Weird Feelings

I have come to the conclusion over the last few months that this would be our very last try. I know I may have said that before but this time I feel it in my heart. I feel awful. I have been dizzy and lightheaded. I am nauseous and exhausted and not to mention grumpy. I know my husband would hate it if I forgot to mention that one. And while I know that all of these symptoms come with the territory of being pregnant, I am sick of having to go through them with no baby to show for it. It takes its toll. So, I've been noticing the good things that can come of no longer having babies and/or being pregnant. I think we will have a good life. The anxiety I felt at being by myself is gone. I think it will be different. And sometimes that's good. I really feel like if there was another baby for my family we would have it by now. I know that having Baby J in our home helps me feel better. Being able to hold her and love on her is good for my soul. But if she goes home, our lives will go on. And they will be great lives, full of love and laughter. 

I guess this was the feeling I was waiting for. The feeling that I was done trying.

If we had to bet on this pregnancy, we all would bet on it not working out. And that's okay. Whatever the outcome is, I am prepared this time. Life goes on....