Pregnant Again

That's right, Folks! I am a glutton for punishment. I just didn't feel like I was done with this journey.
I found out a little over 2 weeks ago that I was pregnant for the 11th time.
This time is very bittersweet. I cannot believe that I still have hope for a baby with this one but I do. The human spirit will not be held back. I hope it works out. But in am realistic enough to realize that the end result will almost undoubtedly be a miscarriage.
We have had 3 foster kids since the middle of May and that is helping to keep me busy. I am way less freaked out and obsessed about my symptoms or lack thereof. We have a foster baby who is now 11 months old. She has been such a blessing. Not only is she just a joy and a super fun baby but my arms aren't empty anymore. We hope we get to adopt her but it is a long journey that we cannot predict so we have to assume she will go back to her mother but we hope not.
I cannot forget that she isn't mine so I hold back because I fear the loss of another baby. But I recognize that she deserves a mother that is fully invested and so I tell myself that it's not about me, its about her. But my defenses are up for the pain and grief and I automatically want to protect myself from anything that will cause me more pain.
I have told 2 friends about the pregnancy. I usually am a blabber mouth. But I'm trying to keep it on the DL. My friends say I'm brave but I think people will think I am stupid. How can she keep doing that to herself and her family? Doesn't she know what will happen? I'm not ready for reactions either way.
Even though, I know that after 6 miscarriages people were so over me, I still had a journey to go through and I was lonely. I would rather not have people know if I have to do it alone again. I don't want pity and I don't want disdain. I really just want to make sure that I'm not closing any doors that may be open even if it's just a tiny crack.
My HCG levels were great last week. I had an ultrasound because I was cramping alot. Even though there wasn't much to see, it looked good.
Tomorrow at 3:45 is another ultrasound. I am 6 weeks today. We should be able to see a heartbeat if there is one. Wish me luck.