6 1/2 week ultrasound results

There was a heartbeat!
While this is great news, it does not guarantee us a baby. We had a heartbeat with the last pregnancy and it still ended with a miscarriage. But we have reason to hope. Here is the link to that story: http://glutenators.blogspot.com/2011/08/im-ready-to-share-my-story.html
The doctor tried to see through my abdomen which was fine with me but I couldn't see anything so I assumed there was nothing there. It caught me by complete surprise when the doctor said he thought there was a heartbeat. When he did the ultrasound vaginally even I could see the heartbeat. 122 beats a minute. That seems slow to me but the doctor said it was fine.
I will have another ultrasound next week. Just for my peace of mind. Then I will see about spacing them out. My little sister lost a baby at 20 weeks so I think I will be paranoid the whole way or as far as we get.
I asked the doctor about reffing still. Sometimes I do 5 games in a row and I get exhausted. This week I will do 15 games. The doctor said there is no correlation between miscarriages and physical exertion. So I will continue reffing even though I just want to sit and let this baby grow. I recognize the very real fact that this pregnancy will most likely end in a miscarriage and I don't want to have to get back in shape and lose weight when that happens.
Such a mixture of emotions. It's crazy to try to keep up with them all.
This week my husband was rear ended on the freeway. We learned that the house we were buying isn't going to go through. Time to unpack all the boxes. We had foster kids for 3 days. And I got a cold sore. On my nose. Can't wait for life to slow down.

Ultrasound Results

I had my ultrasound 2 days ago. It seems so long ago. It was too early to see a heartbeat. This has me worried. But we did see a gestational sac, an embryo sac and what the doctor called a fetal pole. He told me that even if there was a heartbeat with his equipment he wouldn't be able to see it.
With my last pregnancy we were able to see a heartbeat at 5 weeks 6 days. I was 5 weeks 5 days at this ultrasound. I am hoping that the equipment that was used at the fertility specialist was more in depth and that is why we could see the heartbeat. I have another ultrasound scheduled for next Wednesday. I had hope that this pregnancy would work out but now I am fully expecting to see a miscarriage.
I decided to go ahead and take the progesterone suppositories. They are nasty and no fun at all. But my friend is a p.a. and I really trust her and she said that in my situation she would take them. So I probably wasted $55 today but we will see.
I still don't feel very sick. With my first 2 pregnancies, I had horrible morning sickness, like the flu. I think that if I was sick like that again I would feel some comfort that this pregnancy was taking. But, at 6 weeks 1 day, I have made it further that 3 of my other miscarriages so there is that.

Ultrasound Tomorrow

I have known I was pregnant now for over 2 weeks. 2 agonizing weeks. Trying to recognize any pregnancy symptoms. Looking for spotting every time I use the bathroom. It's been super stressful and distracting. I even rear ended someone Saturday night while I was driving. Not bad, but I just can't seem to focus on anything else.
I scheduled an ultrasound for tomorrow. I do not want to go. A part of me would rather not know. Remain in ignorance as long as possible. Another part of me (the type A) wants to know what's up. My husband wants to come but I don't know if its worth having him take time off for every ultrasound. For every miscarriage. I decided to try to have another child. I feel like its my job to deal with the unpleasantness and make everything easier for my family. We have not told the kids. I felt my older kids out and my daughter says she doesn't want to know. Its too sad. I get that.
My stomach is in continual knots. I am hoping that this is a pregnancy symptom. I think its nerves. I hope I can make it through the day tomorrow. I am reffing a game less than 2 hours after my appointment. I have to anticipate bad news because that's what I've had before. I hope the coaches are nice to me. It may be a technical kind of day.
I feel pregnant. I have to pee alot. My boobs hurt. My stomach hurts. I think that I have every reason to be hopeful but I also realize that I need to assume that there will be nothing there.

I thought I was ready

Today I found out that I am pregnant for the 10th time. I have 4 healthy kids. So that makes 5 miscarriages. And one coming soon.
I must be crazy to put myself through this rollercoaster. It borders on torture. But I can't help but be excited and planning for a future little one. I love my kids so much. That carries over to the potential kids as well. And though I try to tell myself that this will end as all the others have I can't help exploring the possibilities.