This morning I woke up with my stomach feeling fine. No stomach pain and nausea so far. So, this is horrible. I am convinced that the baby has died at this point. The last time this happened there was no heartbeat. I am not even hopeful. I realize that this was the most likely ending to this pregnancy. I have an appointment for an ultrasound in an hour. I just want finality. I let myself get hopeful and have expecations. I should have guarded myself more but I am an optimist. Even now I cannot stop singing Christmas songs. Life goes on.
Last night my husband and I discussed our options for the future. Early miscarriages are easy on the body and the spirit. Getting this far is physically painful and there is recovery time. I just don't feel like I can put my body and my family through this again. But I've never been a quitter. I had so hoped that we would get a kid our of this so that we could just be done. I wonder if I will ever feel like I am done raising kids. It may be the regret of my life that I stop when I could end up with a child out of the journey but what is the cost and am I willing to pay it?
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