Basketball Again

I decided that I needed to quit moping around the house and get back to the land of the living. Physically, I feel fine. In fact, I'm still in really good shape. I haven't played basketball with the ladies since last fall. Though I have watched a ton of basketball it doesn't quite translate to being able to play.
A few of the gals knew that I had lost the baby last week but there were some new girls and other girls that knew I was pregnant. So I got some congratulations and then felt like Cruella De Ville when I had to say that I lost the baby last week.
But it was nice to use my body again. I am sort of mad at my body for not being able to carry a baby and then not making the baby right when we had the chance.. But I will have to learn to love it again because its what I've got. It was fun to play the sport that I enjoy. I had a hard time posting up and fighting for rebounds because my competitive edge isn't really there. (Don't worry. It'll be back.) But I had a good time running up and down and shooting the ball from the outside.
After an hour or so I felt the overwhelming urge to cry. I guess I was tired. I realize that emotionally I am still fragile but this was weird so I had to step off the court. Go in the bathroom. Cry a little and then wait for my friend that I was taking home (I had begged her to come with me tonight. I guess I needed her support.)
I am still amazed at how quickly life returns to normal and that, soon, that little baby that my body tried so hard to create wont be missed by anyone but me.

A miscarriage is a natural and common event. All told, probably more women have lost a child from this world than haven't. Most don't mention it, and they go on from day to day as if it hadn't happened, so people imagine a woman in this situation never really knew or loved what she had. But ask her sometime: how old would your child be now? And she'll know.- Barbara Kingsolver