Envy

Maybe it's because I had 4 trouble free pregnancies in a row, maybe its because I am the most miserable pregnant woman ever, or maybe because my babies never slept and always had ear infections that I don't envy pregnant women and new mothers.
A sweet friend, who birthed a stillborn baby of her own almost 2 years ago, texted me to check in. She is pregnant with a healthy baby after all this time. She wanted to make sure that I would not be mad at her because her baby is doing well. My reply: Never. I don't want your baby.I want mine and Trav's baby.
And its true. That's what I'm grieving for, the loss of OUR baby.
Trav's friend had her little baby on the same day that we lost ours. And I'm glad because something good should have happened on that day. I hope that every pregnant woman and new mom gets a chance to feel the same magic that I did when I was having my babies.